kill me

cts are over (: and last night was absolutely lovely. my virgin experience at chomp chomp.

but i feel more stressed now that cts are over. cos dance night intensive pract officially starts. only abt 5 more weeks to dance night. oh god. i've devoted everything and anything to latin. to the point i'm almost suicidal -.- or murderous.

i just wish that everything will turn out fine. and latin will turn out better than fine. i want it to be fantastic. that's all i ever wanted.



fear is the heart of love.

: landslide :: dixie chicks :

it feels like i'm just going through the actions. doing what i have to do. don't feel anything. its not numb. its just nothing.

i'm sitting here waiting. waiting for a memory to come back. waiting for that feeling to come back to me again. sometimes i wonder why. maybe what i'm waiting for will never happen again. it might have been the place, the point in time that induced such a reaction. and though we can go back to the place, we could never go back to that point in time again. is it goodbye forever? i don't know if i want to accept that. maybe i'm happier just living in my fantasies, my delusions. shrugs.

i'm tired of studying. i don't want to. i just want to go back to dancing.

i'm so hollow baby, i'm so hollow.

: goodbye my lover :: james blunt :

normal.

everything felt back to normal today (:

coming to school with ming. poultry free (heeee :D). morning shouting at e 408 table. having jeremy in front of me and mel behind me for econs paper. and all the nonsense that usually accompanies them. haha. jeremy is my source of entertainment during tests. then sitting in e library with mel talking random nonsense, listening to jay chou songs (: vacuuming up bio facts in e process. haha. then doing like speed catch up with interdependent. miss you friend. everything was nice and good.

econs was as expected. case study brought back flashbacks of scott wolfe (kyoto treaty). hahaha i rmb i did a project on that! grins. lovely sec 2 memories. bio passed by in a flash. i liked it actually. all application qns (y) don't need that much info. just alot of crapping. whahahaha. its times like this i really appreciate being a lit student once. :D

i've got an inner math geek. hee.

: i will follow you into the dark :: death cab for cutie :

escapism

my escape from studying.

escapism. love it.

i'm like a bloody teapot. i've been drinking all the teas available in my hse e past few days. and i really have a lot of tea. haha. ginger and lemon, honey pear, earl grey, english breakfast, pu'er, long jing, tie guan ying, darjeeling, lavender, lemon grass. you name it, i've prob drank it. -.-

i don't like having empty pockets of time. where i can go brood over stuff. leads to reminiscing. which is bad. cos all i can think about is what could have been vs what happened. and how because of that choice, changed not only my life, but my relationships with other ppl. its interesting really. like 'crash', how one small event, leads to many others. MULTIPLIER effect! whahaha.

all i can remember is your face, that night.

everywhere you go, perfection.

: i miss you :: blink 182 :

not studying.

from my steffish <3

when i read it, i can't help but wonder and hope. such dangerous feelings.

i'm in love with tyler hilton's sexy husky voice :D -swoons-

i just feel i can be doing something much more meaningful.

bio. GAH.

: the big fight :: stars :

haunting.

ikan kekek mah ilui ilui
ikan galema mak ilai ilai
nanti adik mak ilui ilui
pulang sama mak ilai ilai

tenang tenang air di laut
sampan golek mudik ke tanjung
hati tekenang mulut teserbut
budi yang baik rasa dijunjung

and i wrote that out from memory :p hahaha. cynthia would be so proud. grins. its stuck in my head.

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too

landslide - dixie chicks.

very reflective of the position i'm in now.

i just feel so -.- about cts. bahhh.

haha, went to cut my hair yesterday at my new stylist. their head massages are seriously phwoar. died and went to heaven. and she cuts well (: so i'm a happy girl. ahaha. then spent e day shopping with my mummy. and didn't study e whole day. grins.

cold wars are interesting.

i miss you rachel <3>

never really got the song i'm listening to but i love it (: haha. its so haunting. it was from that episode in e first season of OC when ryan ran away and marissa told ryan that e song reminded her of him. it just reminds me of everything and anything. (and i know this info cos i've been watching my OC dvds wheni should have been studying :p)

:hallelujah :: jeff buckley:

age

i feel like i'm getting alot older each day. -.- well technically i am. but its like getting more of a burden. hmms.

jmp: i'll see you try :p

been drifting in and out of sleep the whole day. fever -.- couldn't go for zaki ): rah. second one i've missed.

i think i'll skip romp. haha, but i'll hopefully be arranging 2 parties (: whoopee.

back to studying. i'm majorly screwed for cts -.-

gah

camp was tiring, emotionally draining and yet still quite fun.

i'm convinced i have arthritis. my knees hurt like shit when we slept on e cement floor on e 7th floor classrooms.

<3 to dee, alicia and anwar.

i think i've toughened up alot. no longer as affected as before. but at times, it still hurts. a hell lot. and it just makes me want to crumble, hide in a corner and cry. i'm just so tired of it all.

i wish someone could just tell me everything will be ok. and be there to catch me if i do fall. gah.

haha. i was watching gilmore girls today. and i rmbed why i loved this show so much last time. grins.

brokeback mountain tonight :D

run

been lost in my own world again.

gym used to be what dancing is to me now. or rather, it took over dance for that period.

it was my form of escape.

i had ppl i love there, ppl who loved me. believed in me. jumping just made everything seem right. and i knew if i worked hard, things would be alright.

but its all different now. it'll never be the way it was last time.

and everytime i see my juniors go off for training, i just feel so guilty. like i abandoned them.

regret. guilt.

killer emotions.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

no one will ever understand how badly i want to be over this. to move on with everything, for i know it is impossible at this point in time.

i might be idealistic, but that doesn't mean i'm stupid.

i want to go, yet i don't want to go. haha. contradicting much. or maybe i want to go, but i shouldn't go.

i'm suddenly craving OC. very badly. gah. i want the 3rd season. shall go watch season 1 that mel and anwar got me for my bday.

i could be doing much more worthwhile things, rather than sitting here staring at organic chem. this is so tiresome.

not going sch tmr. have a achey feeling in me, like i'm gonna fall sick, or maybe its just i'm so fed up and tired with everything. but shan't risk it, dance camp on friday. and doesn't hurt that tmr i have 2 hours of nair.

gp was a blur of examples and words -.-

live through this, and you won't look back. your ex lover is dead - stars

how ironically apt

jaded

my first white slip. -glares-

new hatred for my ct -.- she gives us one huge stack of gp notes and papers e day before gp cts. how efficient. gah. and she was picking on me during spot check. irritating bitch.

sonya's in rj (: that makes everything slightly better. i miss my cynical girl with her caustic humour and her rolling eyes. hahaha.

feeling jaded.
and alone.

i feel like i'm letting so many ppl down. including myself. i have such ambitious and far-fetched goals, yet i don't seem to be doing much to even go near. gah. i hate this.

i really don't know you anymore. the things you do. the absolute disregard for my feelings and emotions. so much for caring. but i expected this the moment you told me you were attached. i too tired to go bother about you anymore. just stop hurting me. thank goodness i'm over all that nonsense.

i'm never gonna open up again.

i want to run wild with the wind blowing in my hair.

0_o

congrats to zheng, pumpkin, des and many many more. (: As everywhere. haha.

this is annoying shite. i seem to be e only one who can't see my latest entries. hahaha. its like when i open up my blog, i always only see my first entry. but everyone sees e latest when they open. peculiar. -.-

its funny how some of my relationships/friendships have change. i feel like i don't know so many ppl anymore. that we're on different wavelengths and have different interests. my social circle of late comprises of a few of my class ppl, and the dancers. but i like being with the dancers. haha.

happy bday angie darling (: i love you to bits.

finished up with jive alr. moving on to the 2 most headachey sections. but at least solved quite a bit of trouble. sighs. now its costumes. and drilling plus formation. busy busy time.

my cts are rather screwed. -.- i just hope i won't be forced to drop my S papers.

your attitude pisses me off sometimes. i feel like i don't know you anymore.

goldfish owner i am (: hahaha.

i miss you so much it hurts.

dance!

its times in need, that you really appreciate some ppl (:

<3 to leslie, rach, ming, dennet, angie, krist, jem, goldfish and alicia. for rocking my world. making me smile. listening and helping. or for that one short sms. love love. well nahnah did too. sorta. grins.

wow. its e week for looooongggg phone convos. last night with my co-ic, tonight with angie 0_o

to dance is a dream come true. really it is.

stressed

i don't think i've ever been this stressed before 0_o
attitudes are just killing me. god.
i'm having nightmares about latin. this is killer -.-

i don't think i've ever been this stressed before 0_o
attitudes are just killing me. god.
i'm having nightmares about latin. this is killer -.-